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faisalsalah: I’m right/ You’re wrong/ Backbiting/ He said/She said/What will they say?/What will they think?*searches for a parcetmol*-Eat -Pray -Love I want to share something with whoever is reading, bit nervous but…here goes-Ok so for the past 6 months I’ve been having these panic attacks, completely at random and when I least expect it. It always tends to be in the form of a memory  of a past mistake or a time when I was really hurt and before you know it that one feeling of upset because a gaping torrent. It’s like this crash of raw pain clutches my heart as every piece of my imperfect self is laid bare for my mind to see and feel. It comes in waves as it crushes, dragging me under, I can’t breathe and I can’t speak. I can’t call out to anyone whilst it’s happening because reality melts away leaving me in this bare prison being tortured by myself having to witness my life’s failures all at once. Even if I could, what on earth would I say, “ Help me I’m going crazy?constant ego death I can’t even lie to myself anymore and pretend to be someone I’m not, my  Nafs just won’t let me no matter how much I want to. It punishes me and breaking down and shattering every wall of feigned self-confidence I try to create I try to erect. using those cursed memories; I know them all so well by now. There’s no more trying to re-inventing yourself, no more escapism, no more losing yourself with daydreams of what if because the truth is clear. I have had so many blessings given to me, SO many opportunities and I’ve thrown them away and it eats away at me shredding away piece by piece the man and reveals the boy… and Oh how it hurts. It gets to the point where these attacks start becoming more frequent and I just feel crying Wallahi just sitting in the corner away from the world and just being lost in my own misery. (crazy depressing innit!) Btw this all began when I started trying to memorise the Quran I could be reading a certain Ayat in class and my mind wanders just for a second and before you know it I’m fighting to calm my heartbeat. You know what though, all I can say is Alhamdullillah, because it was Allah who put through this trial and it was Allah who saved me. I was in the middle of Dhuhr prayer and just before I was about to go into sujood It hit me again… Same as always Wave after wave, same old pains, the sweating as I fight to maintain focus in my Salah and try to hopelessly seek refuge from myself.  Just on the last raka’ah in sujood the answer came to me as I lay lost and my soul bared open in front of Allah the most merciful. “It matters not who you were, what matters is who you ARE” Just like that it evaporated, the pain clutching my heart released its grip and freed my lungs and allowed me to breathe normally again. That feeling of relief as this mountain on my shoulders disappeared, Wallahi I don’t think there any word in any language that can do it justice save one:ALHAMDULILLAH!!After Salah I raced back in my home desperate to write this down in case I forgot, and now it resides imprinted on my heart forever. “It matters not who you were, what matters is who you ARE” “All the children of Adam are sinners but the best of sinners are those who repent” You are imperfect therefore you will never be perfect… Deal with it, embrace it and you’ll realise there’s no need for this psychological armour you have on. There’s no need to care what people think about you, as long as you know you live to please you’re lord alone. I remember hearing a statement “The quran is the light of Allah in this Dunya, do you believe it will be given to you without trial? Alhamdulillah ever since memorisation slowly has come easier to me I strive to beat no one in my class only myself. (Even though I’m last lol) All arrogance I throw away and I feel reborn as though I’m a phoenix rising from the ashes, or as a new born seeing the world with new eyes. And my world is plain and simply-Eat -Pray -Love Everything in my univers can be simplified into those 3 words, empowering me and like a seed blooms and bears fruit. Mine is contentment and peace. And when that feeling returns as it always does, still attempting to torture me with memories of the person I was… I show it who I’ve become. Faisal Salah I pray Allah make fills my heart with sincerity and makes my actions those that will enter me into his paradise.
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faisalsalah:

I’m right/ You’re wrong/ Backbiting/ He said/She said/What will they say?/What will they think?

*searches for a parcetmol*

-Eat
-Pray
-Love

I want to share something with whoever is reading, bit nervous but…here goes-

Ok so for the past 6 months I’ve been having these panic attacks, completely at random and when I least expect it. It always tends to be in the form of a memory  of a past mistake or a time when I was really hurt and before you know it that one feeling of upset because a gaping torrent. It’s like this crash of raw pain clutches my heart as every piece of my imperfect self is laid bare for my mind to see and feel. It comes in waves as it crushes, dragging me under, I can’t breathe and I can’t speak. I can’t call out to anyone whilst it’s happening because reality melts away leaving me in this bare prison being tortured by myself having to witness my life’s failures all at once. Even if I could, what on earth would I say, “ Help me I’m going crazy?

constant ego death
 
I can’t even lie to myself anymore and pretend to be someone I’m not, my  Nafs just won’t let me no matter how much I want to. It punishes me and breaking down and shattering every wall of feigned self-confidence I try to create I try to erect. using those cursed memories; I know them all so well by now. There’s no more trying to re-inventing yourself, no more escapism, no more losing yourself with daydreams of what if because the truth is clear. I have had so many blessings given to me, SO many opportunities and I’ve thrown them away and it eats away at me shredding away piece by piece the man and reveals the boy… and Oh how it hurts.

It gets to the point where these attacks start becoming more frequent and I just feel crying Wallahi just sitting in the corner away from the world and just being lost in my own misery. (crazy depressing innit!)

Btw this all began when I started trying to memorise the Quran

I could be reading a certain Ayat in class and my mind wanders just for a second and before you know it I’m fighting to calm my heartbeat.

You know what though, all I can say is Alhamdullillah, because it was Allah who put through this trial and it was Allah who saved me. I was in the middle of Dhuhr prayer and just before I was about to go into sujood It hit me again…

Same as always Wave after wave, same old pains, the sweating as I fight to maintain focus in my Salah and try to hopelessly seek refuge from myself.  Just on the last raka’ah in sujood the answer came to me as I lay lost and my soul bared open in front of Allah the most merciful.

“It matters not who you were, what matters is who you ARE”

Just like that it evaporated, the pain clutching my heart released its grip and freed my lungs and allowed me to breathe normally again. That feeling of relief as this mountain on my shoulders disappeared, Wallahi I don’t think there any word in any language that can do it justice save one:

ALHAMDULILLAH!!

After Salah I raced back in my home desperate to write this down in case I forgot, and now it resides imprinted on my heart forever.

“It matters not who you were, what matters is who you ARE”

“All the children of Adam are sinners but the best of sinners are those who repent”

 You are imperfect therefore you will never be perfect… Deal with it, embrace it and you’ll realise there’s no need for this psychological armour you have on. There’s no need to care what people think about you, as long as you know you live to please you’re lord alone.

I remember hearing a statement

“The quran is the light of Allah in this Dunya, do you believe it will be given to you without trial?

Alhamdulillah ever since memorisation slowly has come easier to me I strive to beat no one in my class only myself.
 (Even though I’m last lol)
All arrogance I throw away and I feel reborn as though I’m a phoenix rising from the ashes, or as a new born seeing the world with new eyes.

And my world is plain and simply

-Eat
-Pray
-Love

Everything in my univers can be simplified into those 3 words, empowering me and like a seed blooms and bears fruit. Mine is contentment and peace.

And when that feeling returns as it always does, still attempting to torture me with memories of the person I was…

I show it who I’ve become.

Faisal Salah

I pray Allah make fills my heart with sincerity and makes my actions those that will enter me into his paradise.

faisalsalah: “Do the people think that they will be left to say, “We believe” and they will not be tested?”From ever since I could remember I’ve always wanted to sing… Yup I know, sounds pretty queer >< I can remember being this six year old gapped toothed Somali kid singing his heart out in a corner of the field whilst all the other boys were playing football or eating worms. To this day after numerous attempts I still cant kick a ball straight >< I would sit in the corner, song writing and at that age unfortunately it tended to consist of nothing more than mash ups of Aaron Carter who was my childhood idol.“baby baby baby ooo girl my heart is brokeded” Alhamdulillah, my parents took me to my first Quran class shortly after and what can I say, I fell in LOVE with surahtal Fatiha. I used to love reciting in class and my first teacher was this huge Egyptian man called Abu Adam, the dude looked scary but he was a real softie! Lol the nicest guy I ever came across and he was also the man who gave me my first quran. He would make us recite for the first half of the class and in the second would tell us the stories of the prophets or explain to us about Jannah while we would sit devouring biscuits and juice whilst comparing scabs. Unfortunately After two years of awesome Islamic education one day he just disappeared *poof* and that was the end of my Islamic education. Wherever he is in the world I sincerely ask that Allah rewards him for everything he did for me. I was so scared that after he left I would forget the Quran that I memorised, so every night before I went to sleep I would recite al fatiha, Al Naas, Al ikhlaas and Al Falaq four times before I slept with the hope that Allah would send angels to protect me. I had super fear of the dark back then… kinda still do ¬¬The same time I stopped the quran my love for music increased tenfold and one day I was around 13 I decided to start collecting music, It started off with the odd songs I loved, then I would download every song the artist ever made, then songs I loved growing up and so on and so on until I had an archive of almost 10,000 songs in the space of a few years made up from every genre I could think of (crazy I know) I ended up memorizing most of these and basically I became a walking jukebox. ><to make things worse I have this gift, where I can make a song out of anything around me because I hear a melody in EVERYTHING. The footsteps in the street sound like a tempo just waiting for me to break into a beatbox. The ratat of the keyboard as my fingers type messages sends my mind off into a dubstep craze. Wallahi it never stops I always hear it and I’m always wanting to create something new, to vent this bubbling volcano of creativity. Sometimes for hours on end I break into a freestyle about whatever’s on my mind, switching between and merging genres like reggae, old school, jazz, indie and soul and before you know it I’m envisioning me singing the X factor winners song lol. I imagine me touring the world, just me and my music fans cheering my name…aaaaaaaandTHAT’S where the problem lies. When my heart is filled with this overwhelming love for music where is the room for the Quran? Where is the acknowledgment of death, the accountability of the day of judgment? Where is the love for seeking knowledge and teaching it for the sake of Allah? It completely disappears, being replaced with daydreams of a life filled fame, wealth and women I’m ashamed to say. To me they Can’t co-exist, they are two different doors with two different destinations and let’s face it… I can’t enter both and whichever one I enter I sacrifice the other.I left the music behind me in the physical sense, however I didn’t realise that inside of my heart I hadn’t fully let it go and still harboured these dreams. I realised that as I try to memorise quran and tread a path of 3ilm, shaitain takes advantage of this little chink in my armour to take my mind off the remembrance of Allah and ultimately make me lose sight of why I am here.  It is so hard for me to not listen to music anymore and not to make it, I almost forget sometimes why I gave up music in the first place until I remember…That which you give up for the sake of Allah, he will reward you with greater-Lustrous desires have power over souls; they seize and manage hearts; hence to abandon or get rid of them is hard and difficult. However, whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, Allah will suffice him, and whosoever seeks His aid, He will help him: {And whosoever puts his trust in Allâh, then He will suffice him} [Surat At-Talâq: 3Subhanallah the more your heart is detatched from the dunya you can see what it for what it truly is. When you shut the door of the desires you open the gate of imaan you realise your purpose in this life. I swear by Might, Power and Mercy of the creator of the heavens and the earth there isNOTHING sweeter than imaan.  I ask that whoever is reading this please make dua that doors of my desires stay locked FO’EVAAAA and my heart will remained lost in the love of Allah.Because what is that life in comparison to an eternity with Allah?
Zoom

faisalsalah:

“Do the people think that they will be left to say, “We believe” and they will not be tested?”

From ever since I could remember I’ve always wanted to sing… 

Yup I know, sounds pretty queer ><

 I can remember being this six year old gapped toothed Somali kid singing his heart out in a corner of the field whilst all the other boys were playing football or eating worms. 

To this day after numerous attempts I still cant kick a ball straight ><
 
I would sit in the corner, song writing and at that age unfortunately it tended to consist of nothing more than mash ups of Aaron Carter who was my childhood idol.

“baby baby baby ooo girl my heart is brokeded” 

Alhamdulillah, my parents took me to my first Quran class shortly after and what can I say, I fell in LOVE with surahtal Fatiha. I used to love reciting in class and my first teacher was this huge Egyptian man called Abu Adam, the dude looked scary but he was a real softie! Lol the nicest guy I ever came across and he was also the man who gave me my first quran. He would make us recite for the first half of the class and in the second would tell us the stories of the prophets or explain to us about Jannah while we would sit devouring biscuits and juice whilst comparing scabs. 

Unfortunately After two years of awesome Islamic education one day he just disappeared *poof* and that was the end of my Islamic education. Wherever he is in the world I sincerely ask that Allah rewards him for everything he did for me. I was so scared that after he left I would forget the Quran that I memorised, so every night before I went to sleep I would recite al fatiha, Al Naas, Al ikhlaas and Al Falaq four times before I slept with the hope that Allah would send angels to protect me. 

I had super fear of the dark back then… kinda still do ¬¬

The same time I stopped the quran my love for music increased tenfold and one day I was around 13 I decided to start collecting music, It started off with the odd songs I loved, then I would download every song the artist ever made, then songs I loved growing up and so on and so on until I had an archive of almost 10,000 songs in the space of a few years made up from every genre I could think of (crazy I know) I ended up memorizing most of these and basically I became a walking jukebox. ><

to make things worse I have this gift, where I can make a song out of anything around me because I hear a melody in EVERYTHING. The footsteps in the street sound like a tempo just waiting for me to break into a beatbox. The ratat of the keyboard as my fingers type messages sends my mind off into a dubstep craze. Wallahi it never stops I always hear it and I’m always wanting to create something new, to vent this bubbling volcano of creativity. Sometimes for hours on end I break into a freestyle about whatever’s on my mind, switching between and merging genres like reggae, old school, jazz, indie and soul and before you know it I’m envisioning me singing the X factor winners song lol. I imagine me touring the world, just me and my music fans cheering my name…aaaaaaaand

THAT’S where the problem lies. When my heart is filled with this overwhelming love for music where is the room for the Quran? Where is the acknowledgment of death, the accountability of the day of judgment? Where is the love for seeking knowledge and teaching it for the sake of Allah? It completely disappears, being replaced with daydreams of a life filled fame, wealth and women I’m ashamed to say. To me they Can’t co-exist, they are two different doors with two different destinations and let’s face it… I can’t enter both and whichever one I enter I sacrifice the other.

I left the music behind me in the physical sense, however I didn’t realise that inside of my heart I hadn’t fully let it go and still harboured these dreams. I realised that as I try to memorise quran and tread a path of 3ilm, shaitain takes advantage of this little chink in my armour to take my mind off the remembrance of Allah and ultimately make me lose sight of why I am here.  It is so hard for me to not listen to music anymore and not to make it, I almost forget sometimes why I gave up music in the first place until I remember…

That which you give up for the sake of Allah, he will reward you with greater-

Lustrous desires have power over souls; they seize and manage hearts; hence to abandon or get rid of them is hard and difficult. However, whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, Allah will suffice him, and whosoever seeks His aid, He will help him: {And whosoever puts his trust in Allâh, then He will suffice him} [Surat At-Talâq: 3

Subhanallah the more your heart is detatched from the dunya you can see what it for what it truly is. When you shut the door of the desires you open the gate of imaan you realise your purpose in this life. I swear by Might, Power and Mercy of the creator of the heavens and the earth there isNOTHING sweeter than imaan. 

 I ask that whoever is reading this please make dua that doors of my desires stay locked FO’EVAAAA and my heart will remained lost in the love of Allah.

Because what is that life in comparison to an eternity with Allah?

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